Free Yourself from Thoughts Holding You Back

Identify a Limiting Belief

Think about a friend you care deeply about, who’s also a business owner. Think about how they act when they’re not at their best.

Look at this list and find some ways of thinking that might be holding them back:

• I should have seen this coming.
• I should have done something about this long ago.
• I should be better than this.
• I can’t trust anyone.
• It is impossible to find good people.
• I’ll never catch up to the really successful people in the industry.
• In this economy, there is no way to succeed.
• I can’t make a decision without perfect information.
• I can’t let anything leave my office or ship anything to the customer unless it is perfect.
• I need to look good.
• I need to be popular.
• Conflict is bad.
• Being assertive is bad.
• I need to be right.
• I need to stay in control or things fall apart.
• I can’t show people my human side.
• If I am open and honest, people will burn me.
• My family has always been broke and I’ll always be broke.
• I’m not unique enough.
• I need to get the credit.
• I don’t have enough [training, intelligence, youth, energy, good looks, guacamole...].
• I have to do everything around here, or it won’t get done well.
• I’m a lazy slug.
• I don’t deserve this success.

Answer the following questions:

1. What would you say to your close friend if they told you one of these statements?
2. Which of the statements applies to you? (That is, which are your limiting beliefs?)
3. What would your close friend say to you if you told them one of those statements?

That was Step 1, Identify Your Limiting Belief.

The next steps are:

• Count the Costs of the Limiting Belief
• Reframe the Limiting Belief
• Count the Benefits of the New Belief
• Choose One New Behavior
• Prepare for Suck-Backs
• Reinforce Your New Belief and Behavior

Count the Costs of the Limiting Belief

List how the limiting belief is holding you back and costing you now, and then consider how that cost will magnify in one year and three years.

Here are some cost areas to consider:

• Sales/Profit Costs
• Employee Costs
• Quality/Service Costs
• Personal Time
• Family
• Sleep
• Eating
• Tension in Body
• Posture
• Energy/Vitality
• Other Health Issues
• Feelings of Self-Worth

Reframe the Limiting Belief

Reframe your limiting belief with a new belief that is not the opposite and is something that you can make a habit.

The key here is the new belief doesn’t compete with the old one. Don’t fight the old belief. Replace it with a new one.

See the table below for examples. 

Count the Benefits of the New Belief

What benefits will you start to see when you take action based on the new belief? Think about short-term benefits, as well as how the benefits will magnify one and three years from now.

Areas to consider are the same as before:

• Sales/Profit Costs
• Employee Costs
• Quality/Service Costs
• Personal Time
• Family
• Sleep
• Eating
• Tension in Body
• Posture
• Energy/Vitality
• Other Health Issues
• Feelings of Self-Worth

Choose One New Behavior

Choose one behavior you’ll put in place to express the new belief. Keep it simple.

Prepare for Suck-Backs

Pre-planning is one of the best ways to make a new belief and/or behavior habitual. When you know someone, something, or some situation will suck you back into old ways of thinking and acting, you can prepare.

List all of the people, times of day, situations, and other things that cause you to act according to the old belief. Plan out what you will do differently in those situations.

Try making a table like this:

Reinforce Your New Belief and Behavior

There are many ways to reinforce your new belief and behavior. Try one or more of these:

Affirmations/Mantras

Affirmations or mantras are things you repeat to yourself, and post in visible places, to remind yourself to make the new belief or behavior a habit.

Here’s mine: “I am making progress. Keep going.”

What are various affirmations you can make?

You’ve been working hard at this, and you deserve a comedy break. Search “Stuart Smalley” on YouTube. (That’s not an affirmation, it’s an instruction. Go do it!)

Rewards

How will you reward yourself when you act out of choice with the new belief/behaviors, instead of automatically with the old belief?

Written Reminders

Placing written reminders strategically can keep you focused on the change (e.g., Post-it Notes, writing on hand, computer screen, bathroom mirror).

Credit: Portions adapted from coaching toolkits licensed from The Center for Executive Coaching. Used by permission.

This is how relationship transfers get better, and trust doesn’t get torched.

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